Loving and Losing           February 27, 2006

What's right and what's wrong in the world of love? It's anybody's game and this week's mail brings a full bag of winners and losers. Trouble is, without an official rules book for the dating game, these players don't know how well they're doing. Our referees of love tally their scores.

Online romance?
Dial L for Loser.

A prescription for love...
...or recipe for disaster?

Who is he kidding?
Dumb and dumber!

More advice...


The look of love

Dear Conversely,

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I went on eight dates with a guy over six weeks. There was no sex—just kissing: I made it clear I wasn't interested in casual sex. We seemed to be getting along really well. He kept telling me how much he liked me and how beautiful I was. On our last date—just before Xmas (when we went our separate ways with our families)—he told me he looked forward to seeing me as soon as I got back. I haven't heard from him since. He just vanished. However, I see he's logging onto the online dating site where we met. What's this about? Did he lose interest? Is he simply looking elsewhere for casual sex? Why can't he call to say he doesn't want to date anymore?

Her view:

Dear Dumped,

Yes, he lost interest. When guys lose interest, they don't call to explain that they have lost interest. They just move on—as furtively as possible.

It's an awkward conversation. The reasons could be numerous: He has seen some others he finds more attractive; he wants sex quickly; he doesn't want a serious relationship, etc. It could be anything. People are fickle. So, let it go.

Don't pine. It's a good thing you didn't have sex because it would have been meaningless and you would have been dumped. I suggest you go back to the dating site and start checking out other profiles.

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His view:

Dear Dumped,

First of all, guys don't call to say they don't want to date anymore. If they do, they are lying or trying to get something from you. But if they really don't want to date anymore, they won't call you to tell you.

Secondly, your guy tried and tried, and then he finally gave up. His skills are clearly limited, and his repertoire perhaps a bit staid, but he threw every compliment in the book at you and still you didn't budge. Then off he went for the holidays. He chatted with his hometown friends who made fun of him and told him he was wasting his time. When he got back, he decided he'd had enough of you and it was time to start looking again.

Don't count him out, however. He may not get lucky as easily as he hoped. Eventually he'll decide that he can give you another try. He'll say to himself, 'I have nothing to lose.'

The question then will be: Will you be foolish enough to give him a second chance?

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