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Parallax - Advice

September 15, 2003


Ask us a Question!

This week we look at three letters that seem to have such obvious answers that we wonder why the questions were asked. However, sometimes the obvious is anything but. As George Bernard Shaw observed, 'No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.' Obviously, our advisors have the answers!

Wedding scenes.
Ex excess.
 Date: 09/15/03

Match in heaven?
Flame's out!
 Date: 09/15/03

The number game.
Her number is up.
 Date: 09/15/03

More advice...

Wedding scenes

Dear Conversely,

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In a few weeks I'm going to this wedding where my ex is going to be with his new girlfriend. I am debating whether to go by myself, go with someone else (but not anyone special, since I'm not dating anyone) or not go at all. The last time we saw each other, we had a bit of a relapse. He was already dating his fiancée back then, but he pursued me. What can I say? We have good chemistry. I want to go to this wedding because a close friend of ours is getting married, but I'm afraid this might happen again. I don't want a scene. Should I go?

Her view:

Dear C12H22O11,

You should attend the wedding. Why should you be held back from attending the wedding of a close friend? Because your ex-boyfriend might make unwanted displays? I think not. You'll regret not having memories of the wedding, and a second time may not come around (we hope).

Should less than desirable suggestions come your way, it is really not cause for an upset anyway. It is a much more trying situation for the current girlfriend. Thus, the problem is really hers.

Bring a date if possible, even if he is not so special. This way you have a deflector if you need one, and there are fewer awkward moments during which you may serve as an easy mark.

Having said all this, just go and have fun. Your friend is getting married; it's a big deal.

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His view:

Dear C12H22O11,

Perhaps I'm too jaded, but it's pretty clear that you want to get back with your ex. Or, at a minimum, you still miss him. If you really didn't care for him anymore, you'd be going to this wedding and not worrying about whether he'll be there with his new girl or with Jennifer Aniston.

So let's not kid ourselves. You are obviously going to the wedding. You are going to keep an eye on him as he dances, as he dines, and as he steals away for a smoke in the garden. And that's when you'll pounce. You'll slip out there, act surprised to find him, and pretend this is the best wedding anyone has ever thrown. Then you'll lose all pride and beg him to take you back.

Think of it as a test. If he passes, good for him. Not so good for you but at least you tried. If he fails, enjoy the rest of the evening and make sure you never see him again—unless you want to hang out with a guy who relapses every time a smiley, curvy, blast from the past shimmies up to his doorstep.

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