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Parallax - Advice

May 19, 2003

Smooth Sailing

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It would be nice if every relationship resulted in smooth sailing. No rough water. No waves. No seas of tears. No cries of distress. Ah, but that's not the real world, is it? This week, the Conversely Love Rescue Center responds to three distress calls. Will our lifeguards tell the callers to sink or swim? Will they throw out the love lifelines?

From high school steady.
To college ready.
 Date: 05/19/03

Old bed buddy?
She's a bedbug.
 Date: 05/19/03

When push turns to shove.
Loser or lose her?
 Date: 05/19/03

More from last week...

High school steady

Dear Conversely,

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Recently my boyfriend broke up with me after three years because he is going away to college and says he won't see me much. I am heartbroken. He still calls me but he just wants to be friends. For some reason, I can't. I love him and he loves me. I don't know what to do. Please help me.

Her view:

Dear Homegirl,

You really do not have much of a dilemma here—your boyfriend has broken up with you. There's no need for huge amounts of confusion and musings as to what is going on. In case it is still unclear, said breaker-upper does not want to be in a relationship with you.

So your real question is: how does one get over a relationship? First, I'd put a stop to the whole friendship gig. Take some time on your own and try to get over your relationship without having clingy 'friendship' conversations. Move on with your life and focus on yourself. Rediscover hobbies you used to have and cultivate some new friendships.

It's important to have fun social interactions and be distracted. You're very young and you will get over this quickly. Before you know it, some new boy will be lurking around and you'll forget all about what's-his-name.

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His view:

Dear Homegirl,

Stop whining and give it up.

He's going away to college and wants to meet new girls and have fun. He doesn't want to be tied down.

At least he's being honest about it, which is more than many other guys will give you. Besides, this way you won't be able to claim he didn't warn you when you find out about his new girlfriend, or discover he's been womanizing.

Take up his offer and be his friend. If you really love him so much—and he loves you back—then maybe a year from now (or two) when his energy is tapped, you can let him win you back.

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You Vote! 77% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 23% with HIS VIEW.

75% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 25% with HIS VIEW.

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