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Parallax - Advice

March 24, 2003

Desperation

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Why are some people so desperate to have relationships, and willing to accept whatever comes their way? Is it a lack of self-esteem? An inability to be alone? Take a good look at this week's letters. Everyone is looking for love, but no one seems close to finding it. In fact, there's a hint of desperation in each letter, as though the writers feel they'll be left in the cold if they don't move on this opportunity. Our rational advisors feel otherwise, and are happy to share their thoughts.


A love-hate relationship?
What relationship?
 Date: 03/24/03

Fooling around.
Or just being a fool?
 Date: 03/24/03

Breaking up; making up.
Time to stand up.
 Date: 03/24/03

More from last week...
Bar

A love-hate relationship?

Dear Conversely,

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I was dating this guy, and I cheated on him the first week we were together. He found out and he broke up with me. He says that he doesn't love me anymore, and that he hates me, but I don't think he does. Can a guy go from being in love with you one day to totally hating you the next?


Her view:

Dear Sorry,

Well, I really don't think you can say he loves you, in the first week of your relationship. So one, that's just not the situation. And two, given the situation, of course he can go from loving you to hating you in the first week. After all, he is just forming opinions about you.

By the way, how can you cheat in the first week of dating? Did you have 'the discussion'? Of course, I'm sure you know the one to which I refer. It's where both parties agree to an explicit, exclusive dating arrangement.

I'm dubious. It's really no big deal that you cheated on the relationship as you describe it. So let him have his huff. I mean, how much can you really tax yourself on this one? If you've apologized, and explained your level of interest, you have done as much as you can.

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His view:

Dear Sorry,

If he can say that he hates you in one day, then he probably never loved you to begin with.

The truth is, he probably doesn't hate you. Hate is a pretty strong emotion, and even though you cheated on him, it doesn't seem like enough to justify such a radical feeling. He probably just has a virulent dislike of you. He probably gets a creepy, nauseating sensation just thinking about what you did to him. And I don't blame him.

You may think if he only 'dislikes' you, as opposed to 'hating' you, you might have a chance to be reconciled. Who knows? He may be that dumb. But think about the kind of relationship you'd be getting into, given your precedent-setting activity.

Don't be surprised if he turns around and puts the horns on you.

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You Vote!

You Vote! 14% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 86% with HIS VIEW.

0% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 100% with HIS VIEW.

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