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Parallax - Advice

October 21, 2002

Out of Focus

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It's a known fact. Wanting to be 'in love' distorts people's senses. They don't see clearly. They hear more than what is being said. They imagine things and, in turn, they make poor choices. Worse still? When friends try to point out the obvious, they just can't see it. Welcome to this week's mailbag, where we address three people who are focusing on things that are certain to lead to their romantic (real or imagined) downfall. Can our visionaries of love provide insight?


She wants to be number one.
She's outnumbered.
 Date: 10/21/02

Weekend rules.
She's the weakest link.
 Date: 10/21/02

From chat room to bedroom.
Is she offline?
 Date: 10/21/02

More from last week...
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She wants to be number one

Dear Conversely,

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I liked this guy and he liked me, but when my friends came around he'd hit on them. We weren't going out, but he knew I was mad about it. Even though he knew, he'd say, 'Why are you mad?' So I didn't talk to him for months. Now we like each other again, but he always hits on my friend Megan and she doesn't like him. I want a real relationship. We have lots in common and always have fun when it's just the two of us. I think we would be good together. Do I intimidate him? Does he think I'm not going to be faithful because he heard I once cheated on my ex? I just want to know what I need to do to be with him.


Her view:

Dear Strike-out,

Sounds like you are the consolation prize, Girlie. It's not the best spot to be in. He seems rather keen on Megan or, frankly, a plethora of your friends. I doubt you've been subtle, and I'd be quite surprised if he were trying to pique your interest by hitting on your friends. This tactic is usually not a winner and most fellows know this.

So...his confusing ambivalence and all the concern he causes you stems from just one issue—sometimes he likes you, and sometimes he doesn't. And mostly he likes you by process of elimination—when nobody else is around. Introduce a few friends and he goes shopping.

It sounds as though you're interested, but it's a bit unrequited. At this point, I'd recommend saving face and having a look-see at some of his friends to find a more interested suitor.

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His view:

Dear Strike-out,

One possibility is that what you consider 'hitting on someone,' is his idea of just being friendly. Thus, his confusion over why you get mad. If this is the case, then either you are too insecure to handle his friendliness, or he takes things a little too far. The truth could be somewhere in the middle.

Other possibilities? He is dumb, he is insensitive or he is playing with you. All of these should diminish your enthusiasm for him. You might not be as good together as you think.

You should test the first possibility before resorting to more delicate conversations.

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You Vote!

You Vote! 60% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 40% with HIS VIEW.

25% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 75% with HIS VIEW.

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