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Parallax - Advice

August 20, 2001

Straight Talk

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In relationships, straight talk and honesty should be the norm. But in matters of love, the heart often softens the head, and lust overrules common sense. Such is the case this week where three letter writers face dilemmas that might have been prevented with a little honesty and straight talk. The good news? They can also be solved with the same formula. Will our letter writers heed the proffered advice and, "Tell it like it is?"

To leave or not to leave?
Good question!
 Date: 08/20/01

What are best friends for?
Not for old boyfriends!
 Date: 08/20/01

Unwelcome moves.
Time for a talk.
 Date: 08/20/01

More from last week...

To leave or not to leave?

Dear Conversely,

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My girlfriend and I have been going out for the past year and our relationship has had minor difficulties. Sometimes it's really good - we get along and click and everything - but sometimes we get mad over the littlest things and have quarrels. Now she tells me that she doesn't want to be stuck in the same relationship for the rest of her life. I love her very much and care for her with all my heart, but it seems like all she wants is for me to leave her alone. I don't know why she wants time apart. I know she loves and cares for me. So why is she trying to break us apart?

Her view:

Dear Achy-breaky,

It doesn't really matter why, unfortunately for you. It is what it is. She said she wants to be left alone. Unless you plan to join the ranks of your classic pests, you will just have to kindly step aside, sir.

Perhaps one day she will come back to you. Maybe you will still be hanging around or maybe you'll already be engaged to someone else, but she is willing to take that risk - ergot, you are forced to take that risk. It doesn't even sound as though, given what you said, that she's really pining for a long-term relationship here. Space just leads to more space, seeing other people and the like... It's time for you to hear what she has said and mosey along.

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His view:

Dear Achy-breaky,

From your point of view, the problems may be minor little quarrels. From your point of view, sometimes it's really good and you click and everything. From her point of view, it's probably the opposite. You have big important fights. Only seldom is it really good; most times it sucks and everything.

She may indeed love you, though her way of showing it (asking you to leave her alone) is a tad unorthodox. She may indeed care for you, even if she doesn't want to be stuck with you for the rest of her life.

I'd tell you it's a lost cause and you should find the nearest exit, except for one thing: she keeps asking you to leave her instead of simply leaving you herself. If she really wanted out, wouldn't she have left already? Perhaps she is bluffing and looking for more from you. I suggest you call her bluff and give her the space she needs. Who knows? You may find yourself enjoying the time apart more than you guess.

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You Vote!

You Vote! 55% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 45% with HIS VIEW.

20% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 80% with HIS VIEW.

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