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Parallax - Advice            March 19, 2001


Big Breaks

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This week we look at breaks - ups, downs and getting them! Breaking up is as hard to do today, as it was when Neil Sedaka sang about it in 1962. Just read our first two letters: one from a woman who's reached her breaking point, and the other from a guy who's on the verge of a breakdown. But for every relationship that crumbles, another rises. And the young Romeo in our third letter simply needs a break from analysis. Our love doctors have the perfect prescriptions!


Break up or make up?
Run for the door, girl!
 Date: 03/19/01

He's seeing single...
Since he doubled his weight!
 Date: 03/19/01

Dating dos and don'ts.
Give your brain a break!
 Date: 03/19/01

More from last week...
Bar

Break up or Make up?

Dear Conversely,

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I've been in an exclusive relationship for five years. During the entire five years, we talked on the phone almost every day, but we only saw each other on weekends because we live an hour away from each (many weekends we didn't see each other at all). Recently we took a break (he had suggested breaks in the past, but never went through with them). Now it's been a month since we saw each other and he still doesn't want to get back together. He says we're not broken up, and that I should let him do this without being upset. Well, I'm upset and lonely - as I have been for most of this relationship. I enjoy the times we're together, but they are few and far between. The topic of marriage has been raised many times with answers varying from 'Never,' to 'Of course, I'd be proud to have you as my wife.' We've looked at houses together, and we've even looked at rings, but he doesn't give me a sense of security. He often changes his mind about marriage, and he keeps asking for more time apart - even though we spend so little time together. I need help. I don't know what's going on with him. Should I deal with the heartache and move on? Should I have done that a long time ago?


Her view:

Dear Weekend-woman,

Yes, and Yes. These boots were made for walkin' babe. I think I need to introduce you to the term 'doormat' as that seems to be your role in this relationship. Buh-bye, move on, get out, he sucks. You don't even have a choice here. He has told you he wants a break - a break means seeing other people, fooling around, and putting your life back together. I'm quite sure he is. Tell him if he wants space he should move to Utah.

Face the truth. Your relationship was over long ago. Waffling sucks - a guy who goes from 'never' to 'of course' is nothing but trouble. This weekend gig doesn't sound great anyway. Date someone who is firstly, more interested in you and secondly, can be around a bit more. How many times do you need to hear that he would like a break? This can't be fun for you.

You'll will be unhappy for a couple of months - max! Then you'll move on, meet some new guy and wonder what you were ever doing with Mr. Break in the first place. Don't give it another thought. Bolt, hang out with friends, cry a bit and then be done with it. Life is too short.

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His view:

Dear Weekend-woman,

Clearly, this man has never been entirely satisfied in his relationship with you. There have been doubts, or other 'opportunities' closer to home - or both. In any case, it finally dawned on him that he needs to move on, though he is too much of a coward to break up with you outright.

Yes, you should have parted long ago, but if it makes you feel better, do what he's doing: pretend you haven't broken up and in the meantime get off the phone and out of the house and spend some of all your free time (that you don't waste on him) looking for someone else.

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You Vote!

You Vote! 78% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 22% with HIS VIEW.

50% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 50% with HIS VIEW.

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