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Parallax - Advice            February 19, 2001

Promises, Promises

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Mae West said, 'An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.' We all know that the best way to keep promises is to never make promises, but most people don't follow that maxim - especially where love is concerned. This week, our relationship gurus help three people deal with issues of promise: one must keep a promise; one must stop searching for promise; and one must realize that cheating and broken promises go hand-in-hand.

It's a promise...
Not a compromise!
 Date: 02/19/01

Promises of love?
Relax, don't shove!
 Date: 02/19/01

An affair to remember?
Or empty promises to forget?
 Date: 02/19/01

More from last week...

It's a promise...

Dear Conversely,

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My fiancée and I are both fifty-four, and we both own small businesses. She wants a prenuptial agreement, and I don't have a problem with that. However, she's asked me to complete a nine-page questionnaire concerning financial information, which will be reviewed by her financial planner and attorney before developing the agreement. I feel strongly that she can have her prenuptial agreement prepared without having me submit to a strip search by her accountant and attorney. I got into this relationship for love, not for business. Some guidance…please.

Her view:

Dear Mr. Biz,

She's just following a process, and I wouldn't worry about it. If you agreed to the prenup, you should agree to the process. More fundamental is the question of agreeing to the prenup at all. I'm not sure what I would have done, but at your age (with major assets), I can see why you've both agreed to it.

Give her the data she needs. She'll feel it's being appropriately processed, and you'll sign a silly form and move onto more fun activities. You can't agree to sign a form, and then be unwilling to provide her lawyer with what is needed. You've already done the hard part - now follow through. If it gets ridiculous, tell her. You may need to trim the process, if it's making you uncomfortable. Let her know you just want to get past it - she'll understand. I'm sure it's an awkward topic that both of you would like to finish as quickly as possible.

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His view:

Dear Mr. Biz,

Just fill out the form, have her fill out a similar one, and get a good attorney. If you're going to play the prenup game, play it well. Don't get sentimental about it - get practical.

Love is great and all, but face it - marriage is very much a business proposition. It is a legal arrangement with significant financial implications. When one is twenty-two (or even thirty-two), with but a bicycle and a car to one's name, it's all fine. Who cares about prenuptials? But when you're fifty-four...

Besides, if you didn't want to get in this mess, you shouldn't have agreed to the prenuptial in the first place.

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You Vote! 33% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 67% with HIS VIEW.

33% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 67% with HIS VIEW.

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