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Parallax - Advice            February 5, 2001

The Game of Love

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Relationship Rule #1: There are no rules. People looking for rules should play games - and everyone knows that love is not a game, right? Yeah, right! This week our love referees step into the fray to assist a woman with an inflexible boyfriend; a man who's desperate to read everything into nothing; and a twenty-seven-year-old who's looking for the scoop on sex, dates and numbers!

Common interests?
Uncommon excuses!
 Date: 02/05/01

It's rebound romance.
Nothing less, nothing more.
 Date: 02/05/01

Dates before the deed.
Any minimum rules?
 Date: 02/05/01

More from last week...

Uncommon interests...

Dear Conversely,

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I am dating a man, who believes that opposites are not a good match. We both like different things but everything else is exactly what each of us wants in a partner. He thinks that a couple should have all common interests in order for it to work. What is your view?

Her view:

Dear Mismatch,

It doesn't really matter if he is your twin or the most different person on earth. What matters is that he is finding a reason to have a problem with you or your relationship. This can only mean one thing - this is not working out. If he were head over heels in love with you he would say, 'Isn't this great? We're so different - I guess opposites attract.' But he's not saying that. He's saying 'I need an excuse to find a problem with you.'

I suggest you take his cue gracefully - agree to disagree that you're different. That is his way of saying, 'I can't see this working out in the future.' If you are pinning your hopes on a serious relationship, he's not your guy - I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere.

If you're satisfied with what is clearly a short-term relationship, then have fun. But I suggest you look for your real soul mate, either while you're dating Mr. Different, or after things have run their course.

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His view:

Dear Mismatch,

Perhaps I read too much between the lines, but your man sounds a bit on the authoritarian side. All common interests? Not only is the idea fascist, it's probably not achievable. Who does he want to end up with, himself? How boring would it be if you both liked all the same things?

Granted, common interests are important to a relationship. Complete opposites would have a hard time finding things to enjoy together - outside of eating, sleeping and having sex. You do need a combination of similarities and differences, and the right balance is a matter of individual choice.

But why so much discussion? Are the two of you just having a nice philosophical argument for the sake of arguing? If he doesn't think it will work out, why is he dating you? Is he setting you up for a break-up…or is he implying that you'd better start liking everything he likes?

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You Vote!

You Vote! 11% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 89% with HIS VIEW.

100% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 0% with HIS VIEW.

You Vote! Do you agree more with HER VIEW or HIS?

Are you... Female or Male?

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