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Parallax - Advice            November 27, 2000

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It is said that most people ask for advice when they know the answer, but they want to hear a different one. This week, all three writers are at crossroads in their relationships. And in all cases, they seek an answer to some imbalance between themselves and their partners. The first letter is about trust; the second about age; and the third deals with passion. Will our duo deliver advice that these three want to hear?

Why's he so messed up?
She's the one who messed around!
 Date: 11/27/00

The seven-year difference...
Is age an issue?
 Date: 11/27/00

He's hot - she's not.
Can he rekindle the flame?
 Date: 11/27/00

More from last week...

Why's he so messed up?

Dear Conversely,

Email to a Friend

I have been in a long-distance relationship for five months now; I see my girlfriend every five weeks for about a week or two. She cheated on me a few weeks back, and felt so guilty that she admitted it straight away. She said it was only because she missed me 'physically.' She says she loves me and regrets what she has done, but she's still seeing this guy regularly on a friends-only basis. My jealousy is driving me crazy. What should I do?

Her view:

Dear What-a-Mess,

I think once someone has cheated they don't get to keep that person around as a 'friend.' Ha, the unmitigated gall! 'He is my boyfriend when you're not around because I missed you physically.' Come on, surely you see the ridiculousness. You're either somebody's girlfriend or you're just dating in which case - fair game. Bring it on - she should date anyone she likes, but you should be doing the same.

You have every right to be very jealous and very angry. I think it's time for the 'seeing other people' conversation. After all, it is long-distance, and cheating is already happening. If you can bridge the distance and give the relationship a real go, then great. If not, the long-distance thing cannot go on indefinitely, and at a minimum you should be allowed to see other people too.

Discuss it with her; figure out your options and what you'd both like to do. At a minimum, she should give up this friend out of courtesy and embarrassment for you.

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His view:

Dear What-a-Mess,

How can you not be jealous?

Personally, I love it when women cheat, say they're sorry, and then continue a regular friendship with their lover. It really shows they care about you and the relationship, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, your relationship has become unbalanced - and lack of balance can be deadly for any relationship. To restore that equilibrium, you may want to consider cheating back on her. Then say you're sorry but continue to see your lover on a friends-only basis.

Alternatively, kindly request that she put some space between herself and Mr. Regular Guy. Not a terrible penance, if she feels as guilty as she claims.

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You Vote!

You Vote! 73% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 27% with HIS VIEW.

71% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 29% with HIS VIEW.

You Vote! Do you agree more with HER VIEW or HIS?

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