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Parallax - Advice            September 11, 2000

   Women just want to have fun, too

Ask us a Question!

It's not just girls - this week three questions from fully-grown and mature women who also like to play, who like to have their cake and, you know... For example, the lady who won't fully break it off with her ex until the new man is willing to commit. Or the girl who cheated on her boyfriend and is worried that she got away with it too easily. But we start with a woman who is driving her man crazy with lots of songs and memorabilia...

She's a big date-and-song girl, it's killing him.
Does he play along, or draw the line?
 Date: 09/11/00

Can she have two boys at the same time?
Or must she give one up before the next one will take the bait?
 Date: 09/11/00

When getting away with cheating is too easy.
Is she missing something, or is she paranoid?
 Date: 09/11/00

More from last week...

She's a big date-and-song girl, it's killing him

Dear Conversely,

Email to a Friend My girlfriend is big on dates and that means like the exact month and day we went out the first time, when we first kissed, and so on. She's also big on songs and we have like six different songs that each mean a different thing and it's impossible keeping all that information straight in my head. I feel like she's setting up little traps for me to trip on and I'm bound to at some point. What's a normal guy to do with a crazy girl like this?

Her view:

Dear Trapped,

Okay then, you shall come up with your own songs and dates. Every now and then, when you hear a song on the radio that you like, just announce that it's now 'yours' because it reminds you of her. If you just pick your favorite songs, they will be easy to remember. Next are dates. Identify some specific events - like 'the date of the first time we went camping,' or 'the first time we kissed in this parking lot.' Keep mental note and add those to the pantheon. Every now and then give her a pop quiz. Act really wounded when she doesn't acknowledge that you're standing in 'your' parking lot - sit in the car and sulk until she figures it out.

Plan B. Tell her you don't subscribe to all this silly date-and-song stuff. Tell her you love her more everyday and every love song reminds you of her. Ask her why only certain songs remind her of you, and why she only thinks of a few specific days as special for the two of you, when isn't every day truly amazing?

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His view:

Dear Trapped,

I suggest you give her a new date to celebrate: the exact hour, day and month of her internment in a mental health center.

But, if you're not ready to have her committed yet, you should at least make a principled stand against the proliferation of 'dates' and 'songs' and 'symbols.' If you don't, your relationship will soon be eighty or ninety percent remembrances of things past, and nothing new will ever happen. In fact, you could become expendable at some point.

Tell her you will remember only one song and one date (her birthday, for example). Explain that your brain is addled, overwhelmed by love for her, by her ravishing beauty. Explain that it is impossible for you to store any more information, and then refuse to play along with any new dates. Then never deviate from this rule, and hope that she will accept your eccentricity as well as you do hers.

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You Vote!

You Vote! 60% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 40% with HIS VIEW.

75% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 25% with HIS VIEW.

You Vote! Do you agree more with HER VIEW or HIS?

Are you... Female or Male?

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