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Parallax - Advice            August 14, 2000

   How far to go for a good match?

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Matchmakers just don't get the appreciation they deserve. We at Conversely think it's good to see people taking an interest in helping all those single souls out there. But not always. This week the inimitable advice duo looks into a precarious set-up scenario. Following that, they offer rather contradictory opinions on the fate of a young-meets-old romance, and words of comfort to a guy who's losing his girl to a two-month European tour.

The first set up wasn't so good.
- Should he set them up again, or is hopeless written in these stars?
 Date: 08/14/00

Is she too young, or is he too old?
Recently divorced man finds younger woman on his heels.
 Date: 08/14/00

Girlfriend's off for two months in Europe - without him.
He hates the idea - but is there anything he can do?
 Date: 08/14/00

More from last week...

The first set up wasn't so good...

Dear Conversely,

Email to a Friend I'm trying to set up one of my guy friends with a woman I think is great for him. I thought he might not like her but it turned out the other way around, she seems to not be very excited about him, and he likes her fine. He wants me to set up something else (they only met casually the first time at a party), but I'm not sure she'll appreciate it. I think they could be really good together... but. Is it better to leave this alone, or is there a good way to get them together and give him and them another chance?

Her view:

Dear Match-Man,

Why don't you get them together in a group setting again and let nature guide them? You shouldn't put yourself in the middle of a set up which potentially could go awry, and it sounds like this one may be a little one-sided. I'm sure my partner will tell you to be a pal and help out, but I disagree - I say run for the hills in as polite a way as possible.

It's fun to dabble in these little matches - but a set up gone badly for your friends means you get the blame for whatever humiliation ensues. Keep your distance.

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His view:

Dear Match-Man,

People's first impressions tend to be fine indicators of future dating potential. After meeting a girl for the first time, I usually have a fairly comfortable read on whether there could ever be anything between us. Assuming your woman friend has the same instincts, I wouldn't waste my time with another setup.

It appears that their first meeting landed him in her 'NO' zone, which for many women includes anyone from the guy 'I wouldn't touch even if he was the last surviving male mammal on the planet,' to the guy who 'is nice and all but I'd still rather sit at home and watch Jerry Springer reruns.'

If your friend is in the NO zone, the odds are stacked against him. Setting up a new event will probably just reaffirm her negative vibes. She'll dislike the meeting, but she'll be polite. Then, he'll see this as a good sign, and the next thing that will happen is he'll get the very direct, very painful, in-your-face rejection. Save your friend that embarrassment.

...Unless he's really wacko about this woman, in which case, rejection may be inevitable and it might be good to facilitate it as early as possible.

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You Vote!

You Vote! 20% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 80% with HIS VIEW.

67% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 33% with HIS VIEW.

You Vote! Do you agree more with HER VIEW or HIS?

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