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Parallax - Advice            June 19, 2000

   Fast men and psycho women

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This week our SHE-HE duo goes out on a limb and takes a stance against psycho former girlfriends. It takes courage to state such opinions, but no challenge is too overwhelming for this pair of love advisors - not even the case of a forlorn lady who has seen her putative friend squander nine months without so much as a casual brushing of fingers... Is he going to wait forever, or is the moment of truth just around the corner?

He's had nine months to make a move.
If he's definitely straight, why won't he love this impatient girl?
 Date: 06/19/00

Psycho femme fatale camping out in his pad.
Does he ease her out of his life, or give her the big shove?
 Date: 06/19/00

To have, or not to have - She wants kids, he doesn't.
Case closed, or will he come around?
 Date: 06/19/00

More from last week...

He's had nine months to make a move...

Dear Conversely,

Email to a Friend I have had this guy friend for nine months now. He does the most amazingly unselfish things for me. We spend the night together three to four nights in a row in the same bed. He takes me home for holidays, makes me dinner... the whole nine yards. He is definitely straight with no girlfriend. Why won't he make a move?

Her view:

Dear Impatient,

Are you sure he's straight? If so, are you sure he likes you? Maybe he's just the most devoted friend you'll ever have. Or how about this: Maybe he's waiting for just the right time to make his move because he doesn't yet have a signal from you that a move would be well received. Perhaps he doesn't want to jeopardize the friendship. I think this is your most likely bet.

So, if you're sure he's not gay and that he likes you, why don't you be the bold one and swoop in for a little kissie. See how it goes. Or if you're a bit shy, then start a suggestive conversation around friends who sleep together - see if he takes the bait. You know he could just be playing hard-to-get because he thinks you'll want him more that way. In any case, if you really think he likes you give it a shot. You have nothing to lose if you're subtle.

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His view:

Dear Impatient,

Along comes a man with a curious sensibility: he recognizes a good thing when he sees it. In this case, apparently, it's you.

If you are certain he's straight, then I can only see one reason for his behavior: he doesn't know if he really loves you, and if there really is potential for a long-term relationship. And he treasures you too much to risk losing you by making an ill-advised move.

He's known you enough time that the moment when a little fling could remain just that - no hard feelings - has long passed. If he hit on you now, it would be the equivalent of saying he wants to seriously date you, because he knows you wouldn't settle for anything less. So, he's probably not ready to do that. Maybe he never will.

Of course, it could be he's simply inordinately shy, but if this was the actual problem, wouldn't you know it, and wouldn't you have already solved it by making a move on him?

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