icon
Conversely Logo Navigation
YOU ARE HERE: Conversely ~ Parallax ~ May 29, 2000
Featured Artist

Featured Artist

Parallax - Advice            May 29, 2000


   SHE - HE advisors celebrate Memorial Day!

Ask us a Question!

In this holiday-shortened week we present an abbreviated column. A woman whose boyfriend awaits 3,000 miles away wonders if she should take a break from him and join the college dating life - while another one wonders if she'll ever become attracted to the man she's dating. Or is it the other way around: will he ever become attracted to her?


Can attraction bloom where there was none before?
Should she wait, or should she move along?
 Date: 05/29/00

She wants in on the college dating scene.
- But should she dump back-home boyfriend in the process?
 Date: 05/29/00

From our archives...

She slept with her best-friend's boyfriend.
Should she tell all, ask forgiveness, or keep quiet?
 Date: 05/22/00

She amassed a nice winter layer.
He wants her to lose it. But if he mentions it, does he lose her instead?
 Date: 05/22/00

Recovering from relationships.
How long does it take men to flush their ex-girlfriends and move on?
 Date: 05/22/00

She's using him for sex.
- Should he file a complaint, or stop whining and let the good times roll?
 Date: 05/15/00

She dropped him cold.
- Does he torture himself to get her back, or is it out of his hands?
 Date: 05/15/00

Her bisexual ex got her all messed up.
Is her trauma justified, or does she need to face the real world?
 Date: 05/15/00

EXTRA!! Her boyfriend's boring!
- Should she help him get his act together, or dump him ASAP?
 Date: 05/08/00

He can't meet women in bars
- So who can? Or better yet, who wants to?
 Date: 05/08/00

So, what about working with the person you're dating?
She says PASS, he says GO.
 Date: 05/08/00

She's dating a single-dad who's getting serious fast.
Time to sound the alarm, or is she drowning in a pail?
 Date: 05/01/00

Older woman seeks younger man.
Midlife crisis, hopeless cause, or perfectly normal?
 Date: 05/01/00

They have very different educational backgrounds.
Can the relationship outlast their mismatched ambitions?
 Date: 05/01/00

Renaissance man gives up on housework.
Girlfriend refuses to go it solo. Ultimate battle of the sexes?
 Date: 04/24/00

He needs the perfect 'we're just friends now' gift.
- Our expert advice on this momentous mission.
 Date: 04/24/00

Asking the STD 'test question.'
- A dead-end on Passion Street, or the gleaming Avenue of Common Sense?
 Date: 04/24/00

He cheated, lost her, and wants her back.
Can he 'buy' her love, or does he have to earn it?
 Date: 04/17/00

'I just want a fling, that's all...'
The words every woman wants to hear, or - too much brutal honesty?
 Date: 04/17/00

She's only 26, dating and... divorced.
Should she tell, or will it scare them away?
 Date: 04/17/00

Stuck in girlfriend confusion.
Is he really in love with two different women, or suffering from self-delusion?
 Date: 04/17/00

An innocent work-date blows up in his face...
But is there more to his wife's outraged reaction?
 Date: 04/17/00

Woman vs. Girl.
Proper respect vs. crass sexism, or Mature and wily vs. innocent and exciting?
 Date: 04/10/00

Happiness struck when she least expected it.
Does this call for self-flagellation, or is the situation not so dire?
 Date: 04/10/00

Personal ads in cyberspace:
The cure for superficial bar talk! A miracle waiting to happen! Yee-haw!
 Date: 04/10/00

He's very elusive of late, she never sees him.
She thinks he might be cheating. Innocent or guilty?
 Date: 04/10/00

She's close to being borderline obsessed.
Only a crush, or a prime excuse for exquisite drama?
 Date: 04/10/00

Boyfriend is a born-again liar.
Should she take the highroad or hunker down and help him out?
 Date: 04/03/00

Dream-lady's cat throws him into asthma fits.
Simple case of allergy medication, or woman-cat-man love triangle?
 Date: 04/03/00

Is there a simple rule about which color rose for what occasion?
Or is a rose is a rose is a rose?
 Date: 04/03/00

He keeps calling and calling, he just doesn't get it...
Should she let him down easy or yank out the plug?
 Date: 04/03/00

Correspondent questions the social value of 'significant other.'
Anarchist, revisionist, or clueless?
 Date: 04/03/00
Bar

Can attraction bloom where there was none before?

Dear Conversely,

Email to a Friend Is it possible to become attracted to someone you weren't attracted to initially? It's been about 3 months and I'm still waiting, though I don't want to give up because he's a good guy and treats me very well. Should I stick it out, and if so, for how long?


Her view:

Dear Expectant,

Hmmm, I'd say sure, it's possible to develop an attraction, particularly if he displays some amazing attributes during this time, or you find he has some competence or skill in an area you think is cool. Perhaps you will find him a master in the bedroom, and this might keep you from going anywhere for a long time.

However, you probably shouldn't be dating someone just because he treats you well - there needs to be a real attraction for it to work long-term. I would suggest you not rush it. Enjoy the time you have together and see how your feelings progress. I would bet that in a couple of months it will become abundantly clear - either way. Be patient and let your answer present itself.

Email to a FriendPost your opinion

Back to Top

His view:

Dear Expectant,

That scene in every other movie where the guy (or the girl) finally realizes that the perfect mate has been standing in front of his nose for months? I've never known it to actually happen. No use waiting: the word here is ACTION.

First choice would be to put this guy on the backburner and go out with others. Keep him warm, don't neglect him entirely, just in case, but don't sit and wait while he keeps not being attracted to you.

Second choice is to move aggressively and force a reaction from him. Maybe he hasn't seen you in the appropriate conditions. Create some date-like situations for the two of you. Find a good nightclub that plays the occasional slow dance, or salsa, or swing. If he doesn't dance, cook dinner for him at your place and have a video ready for an opportunity to get him on the couch up close. If you are up to it, insinuate your feelings, but don't be too blunt - give him room to react.

If you don't feel so aggressive, the last option is to do some detective work. Ask a mutual friend to find out for you, or - if that's too junior-high for you - analyze him yourself. What kind of women does he date - and how do you compare to them? How alike do you think? Is there any chemistry? If you can be objective in this assessment, you can probably decide if waiting longer will get you your Hollywood ending...

Email to a FriendPost your opinion

Back to Top




 

Cover (Home)    Parallax (Advice)    Open Mike    Message Board    Masthead (About us)    Letters   

Antidote (Essays)    Personals (Memoirs)    Stories (Fiction)    Unhinged (Oddities)   

Contact Us

Copyright © 2000 Conversely, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Designated trademarks and brands are the property of their respective owners.
Use of this Site constitutes acceptance of the Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy.